Oneshot mania
by Kurata
Summary: Just a bunch of TRC one shots.


_This was made to show how Kurogane is over-protective with Fai._

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So you want to date the mage hmm? Well, there are some ground rules and hopefully you will obey if you don't want to be slaughtered.

Rule One:  
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:  
You do not touch the mage in front of me. You may glance at him, so long as you do not peer at anything below his neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of the mage's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:  
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with the mage, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:  
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:  
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have the mage safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:  
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls or boys. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with the mage. Otherwise, once you have gone out with the mage, you will continue to date no one but hi until he is finished with you. If you make him cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:  
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for the mage to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. The mage is putting on his clothes, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:  
The following places are not appropriate for a date with the mage: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden tool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce the mage to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to his throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. The library is okay. My home is even better.

Rule Nine:  
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a twenty year old man playing with swords. But on issues relating to the mage, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house.

Rule Ten:  
Be afraid,. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a warzone. When my ninja instincts start acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring the mage home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought the mage home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

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_This is made of a joke I read on Jib Jab(.)com. Hope you liked it._


End file.
